#9 Disapointment Lemonade

I am handling disappointment this morning. I thought all the cards were in our favor. I thought I saw the signs-God's will was unfolding in front of my eyes. The divine connection, the provision was coming! Until I got the news. That which I was hoping for was taken away from me. Yet, I did not posess that which I hoped for-Why then did I consider it already in my possession? Why must I grieve that which I didn't yet posess? My faith is tried due to my expectations of what I believed the will and plan of God-who is "other".                                                                       

So I say in faith this morning "Your will O LORD, not mine...in my grief and sadness I release my expectation, my will to you." In my tears and sobs I reluctantly release the hold I have on the life that I thought you had for me and I open myself to YOU!   

 Carrieb070513

#8 Learning about different kinds of Lemons!

As I drove down the country road, my thoughts were reflecting on the last year and a half of my life.  So many ups and downs have occured that the road never seemed truly peaceful, like the road I drove on tonight.  I thought about the Spring of 2012 when my body was in pain, and I had to see a physical therapist 2 times a week, and a massage therapist every 2-3 weeks.  Why did I have the pain and why couldn't any doctor truly help me, I thought.  My mind then drifted to the tough decisions to leave my small groups that I had truly grown to love, in order to be able to focus on healing.  That change then allowed me to take the summer of 2012 to truly slow down and enjoy the children, and listen to God speak to me.  That is when I heard Him call me to leadership of my family, at home for school with Connections Academy. So on a trip to Duluth in the fall of 2012, we talked through the decision to join Connections Academy, all four kids and I, at home.  Knowing in my head that the cards were stacked against me, I prayed all the time for God to guide me, and to give me peace in this crazy change.  This last year, I needed His resolve inside of me because most days were full of emotions, expressions, corrections, and counter arguments.  I was totally outnumbered, but somehow God has sustained us, and as I reflect on the last year and 2 months that we have been schooling at home, I know that it truly was in His perfect will.  I have learned to grow more humble through my very strong willed children who I cannot control.  We also lost my mother in law in December, right before Christmas.  I remember the kids saying, "this is the worst Christmas ever!".  I agreed, it was, but was struggling through so much emotion that I couldn't even be strong for them.  I loved my mother in law so much!  I still get a little teary eyed when I think of the profound effect her quiet spirit had on me.  She was our Granny nanny!  For 10 yers I had the pleasure of seeing her at least once a week as she came to tmy house to babysit and fold laundry as I went to work.  When she died, I lost a very great friend.  I am glad we all were able to be at home for school during her loss.  I feel so glad that God gave us this time to unite, but now that time has come to an end, and another time of change has come.  I do not know exactly what the plans are for myself other than a drive to organize my writings and possibly begin writing more, as for the kids however, they are being deployed to ISD 192!  Carley will be a freshman at FHS, and is excited for Choir, and Ceramics!  Lauren will be heading back to DMS as the head of the class in 8th grade, and is happy to have her teachers face to face, and not having to email them if she has questions.  Jacob, well he still wants to stay home for school, and that doesn't surprise me a bit because he loves to hang out with his momma!  He will however be heading to ARES in 4th grade with Chloe who is excited to be in her friend Ella's class in 3rd grade.  After returning from my first Mission Trip in August, I feel like God is creating a new side of me.  I am nervous to make this change, but I have the faith that it is His will, and will move as I am prompted.  We have been praying about this for a long time, and God has given dreams to myself, Carley and Lauren as a confirmation that the decision to go back to school is the plan!  Lemons, we have been through many this year, but now, we are serving up Lemonade!  2013-2014 will bring new fruit too, but with God as the master chef, there will always be more Lemonade.  Until next time, Cheers!

#7 Misfit Lemonade

    So I was thinking about the 12 Disciples.  These guys walked with Jesus when He was on this earth.  They ate meals with the God incarnate, they slept in the same room with Him, they Worked with Him.  The 12 were like Jesus' family as He was here on earth.  Who were they?   They were the ones who let go of their life as they knew it, turned 180 degrees and went in a different direction to follow Jesus, and to share with others the message that changed their hearts. As I have learned about the 12, I realized that they were just average guys.  Actually many of them were below average.  Take the fishermen, for example, they had the job working for their father because they didn't make the cut in the customary religious training school.  They were unqualified!  Also, the tax collector, he was hated by people those days because he usually took more taxes than he was due in order to line his pockets, and now he is going to go out and try to win the people over that hated him?  Absurd!  From the outside, this motley crew of 12 seemed unlikely to succeed at simply setting up camp, much less than changing the world.  But in God's plan all throughout time, he has used the outcasts, the unimpressive, the broken and the weak to do mighty works in the name of Jesus.
     I experienced a modern day disciple experience this month as a team of unlikely heroes who never met before, joined together their humble talents and submitted them to the Lord to take on a mission that they were not qualified for.  We went out as 10, unique in talent and temperment, took on an unlikely, and seemingly impossible mission to rebuild a storm damaged building used for restoration and hope, and returned having recieved our own restoration and hope. As our time together unfolded, I realized that each one of us was like different parts of the body.  We were all unique, but equally necessary.  I believe also that God had been preparing us for this mission our whole lives.  I can only share my story, but as I have talked to the group, unanimously we have been changed for the better.
The  impact that this trip has made on me has enlivened my spirit and empowered me to truly surrender myself and to turn 180 degrees from the life I knew to the life that God has for me, just like those 12 unqualified guys did many years ago.  I don't mean I am going to sell all I have and live like a nomad or a mooch, but in my spirit, I am so moved to believe for more of God's fruit in my life.  I had been resisting opening a gift that God has given me for a very long time because I was afraid of what people might think.  I hid that light under a bushel, like the sunday school song said.  But now I say "No!" I'm gonna let it shine.  I know who goes before me, and if God has set me on the pathway, and gifted me to bring heaven to earth in my own unique way, and He promises me blessings of peace and joy if I submit myself to His will, why wouldn't I step out of my comfort zone and walk with Him?  Peter the disciple did!  He saw Jesus standing on the shore, called out to him, and Jesus called him out of the boat to walk to him on the water!  HELLO!  I know the same Jesus, and God's word said that He doesn't play favorites!  If He did it for Peter, He will do it for me too.  Until next time, Carrie

#6 Lemons and New technology

I sit hereworking on my new software program I got a headset and Dragon NaturallySpeaking voice software for my computer so I can create blogs that are more natural that can keep up with my rapid thought process. I think this is to take a little bit of getting used to. But at the same time I'm excited for this new adventure. Right now I find myself frozen watching the words pop up on the screen as I speak. It's kind of amazing how technology can take my thoughts and my words and put them directly on the computer.  Can you guys shut up.  oops I guess I better watch what I'm saying.

#5 Lemonade "Strength from above"

On June 9th I journaled: "Why am I choosing to partner with The Wellness Company?" Why now you say-it seems obsurd-too much to take on another business at a time like this. Well as I was awoken again tonight, I was prompted again to write. I realized that I must say:"Why not now?" I am in the heart of chronic pain trusting that only God can get me through. For He promises that He can bring me through all things, and He alone can bring me through. We are dealing with lost wages at a time when we have clearly set our hearts toward financial Peace through a God-centered philosophy like F.P.U. I believe that our desire for financial prosperity reflect God's desire for our family and the Kingdom. I believe that I have been prompted-urged-counceled and refined over the past year or two and am now fully prepared for COMPLETE SURRENDER to God's will for my life. Although to the on-looker it may look impossible, "All things are possible through Christ Who Strengthens me"! (Phillipians 4:13)I also know that "They that hope in or wait on the Lord will renew their strength, they will run and not grow weary, they will walk and not faint." (Isaiah 40:31) This is how I can explain my strength over the last couple of weeks at work. God has indeed done what He said He would do. I HAVE had strength. Case in point: My phone call home on Saturday June 4th to Brent. I asked his advice whether to come home and cancel my last two clients due to my pain levels being at a 10. He said that we really could not afford to loose the income, and that I should stay. I said that I needed him to pray for me, and took his advice to stay knowing that I was physically and emotionally out of gas due to my Autoimmune dissease. I believed that if He was praying for me and he felt God leading me to stay that I would follow his advice. God would bring me to the other side. I took 3 Advil, and layed on the floor in the Esthetician's room at the salon for 15 minutes and surrendered to God's strength. The extra $100 turned into $150, and I was anble to do it in God's strength alone, because if it were up to me I wold have given up and gone home. The icing on the cake however not only did I make it through the last two clients, I went home PAIN-FREE and full of JOY! So again I ask "Why do I choose to do this now?" Because God has directed me here. And after all and through all that I am going through, He alone provides my strength, and my resources, and my direction for this life. I know that because of the PEACE that has surrounded this decision that it is the call of God on my life for "...such a time as this...". (Esther)
With Hopeful Expectation-Carrie

#4 Lemon- "The Flat tire"

Last week's Lemon was when Mmy Graves Dissease hit rock bottom last Thursday night. Friday morning I had an early doctor appointment because I literally was feeling all of my bodies systems shutting down including my digestive tract and my muscular control. Friday morning it just so happened that J.B. was the first kid out of bed reminding me that today was the first day of summer vacation and because his last 4 weeks of school showed major behavioral improvement, he had earned a new lego set and "mom, what time does Target open?" was the first thing out of his mouth! It's true I did owe it to him, so I asked hin to come to my doctor appointment first and then we'd go. It would be nice to have company at this appointment since I felt so awful, even if it was only my 8 year old son. He has such a heart of empathy! It was just the two of us so we took Brent's Camary, and stopped for coffee at the gas station. Thank goodness we did because it was then I realized that I had a flat tire. I had to go back home and load into the Explorer, and leave the car in the driveway with no explanation to Brent. After returning from my appointment My dear sweet husband was in the garage with the car jacked up ready to fix. One more glass of lemonade please! If Brent had been working and this happened to me and I was alone...I don't want to think what would have happened. He also was able to go and get my perscription and J.B. got his behavior reward! This allowed me some much needed rest and quiet time to heal.
Can you turn your lemons into lemonade today? I sure can!

#3 Lemonade-Reproducing

Dawson Trautman once wrote: "Activity is no substitute for productivity, and productivity is no substitute for reproduction."

I believe in reproducing good strong character qualities in our children, and it is hard work with low monetary pay, but the eternal reward is going to be rich beyond compare! The problem is many American families are not willing to slow down their life to take the necessary time it takes to invest in the one thing that brings true richness: our own children.

The best teacher a child will ever have is their mom and dad.

How are you reproducing?

#2 Lemonade making 101

I believe that God never brings us to something unless it has gone through His permissive will, and everyday I submit myself to what he has in mind for me and each day He surprises me.

I felt after my step Celebrate Recovery study group closed up in May that God was calling me into a time of introspection and to begin writing, but I never knew how that would be accomplished.
Now, as I wait on Him daily for my physical strength, I am begining to see His plan unfold. The number 3 is a theme in my recovery, and it began that way 3 years ago when I got sober, got in a car accident and began my emotional healing process. Now, 3 years later, 3 things are converging once again: my unexplained chronic health problems, my son's emotional and behavioral struggles and my husband's sudden job loss. Although from the outside someone may look at this situation and wonder "why?", and I have been one of those people, but I am at peace in the midst of the storm.
It truly is well with my soul whem my body's pain levels are at a 10 and I have come to the end of my rope, God says: "My grace is sufficient for you for my power is made perfect in your weakness." And when I wake up in the middle of the night with a person on my mind to pray for and I know full well I have a very busy 11 hour workday ahead of me and all I want to do is to get a full nights rest, but I get up and journal and pray, I know that "They that wait upon the Lord will renew their strength, they will mount on wings like eagles, they will run and not grow weary, they will walk and not faint"! God has come through for me when there seems to be no way-like the old hymn says :"He will make a way..."

These are God's fingers and I have the mind and the mouth of Christ for whoever has ears, let him hear and know that God WILL work all things for the good of those who love Him and who are called according to His purposes. So you may ask yourself, How does this pertain to my life? It's great for you Carrie, but you gotta understand... I do, and Ive asked God to do things in me and through me that He couldn't do because I was still holding tightly to the things that were holding back His power. He alone can make my lemons into Lemonade if I choose to give them to Him.