#9 Disapointment Lemonade

I am handling disappointment this morning. I thought all the cards were in our favor. I thought I saw the signs-God's will was unfolding in front of my eyes. The divine connection, the provision was coming! Until I got the news. That which I was hoping for was taken away from me. Yet, I did not posess that which I hoped for-Why then did I consider it already in my possession? Why must I grieve that which I didn't yet posess? My faith is tried due to my expectations of what I believed the will and plan of God-who is "other".                                                                       

So I say in faith this morning "Your will O LORD, not mine...in my grief and sadness I release my expectation, my will to you." In my tears and sobs I reluctantly release the hold I have on the life that I thought you had for me and I open myself to YOU!   

 Carrieb070513

#8 Learning about different kinds of Lemons!

As I drove down the country road, my thoughts were reflecting on the last year and a half of my life.  So many ups and downs have occured that the road never seemed truly peaceful, like the road I drove on tonight.  I thought about the Spring of 2012 when my body was in pain, and I had to see a physical therapist 2 times a week, and a massage therapist every 2-3 weeks.  Why did I have the pain and why couldn't any doctor truly help me, I thought.  My mind then drifted to the tough decisions to leave my small groups that I had truly grown to love, in order to be able to focus on healing.  That change then allowed me to take the summer of 2012 to truly slow down and enjoy the children, and listen to God speak to me.  That is when I heard Him call me to leadership of my family, at home for school with Connections Academy. So on a trip to Duluth in the fall of 2012, we talked through the decision to join Connections Academy, all four kids and I, at home.  Knowing in my head that the cards were stacked against me, I prayed all the time for God to guide me, and to give me peace in this crazy change.  This last year, I needed His resolve inside of me because most days were full of emotions, expressions, corrections, and counter arguments.  I was totally outnumbered, but somehow God has sustained us, and as I reflect on the last year and 2 months that we have been schooling at home, I know that it truly was in His perfect will.  I have learned to grow more humble through my very strong willed children who I cannot control.  We also lost my mother in law in December, right before Christmas.  I remember the kids saying, "this is the worst Christmas ever!".  I agreed, it was, but was struggling through so much emotion that I couldn't even be strong for them.  I loved my mother in law so much!  I still get a little teary eyed when I think of the profound effect her quiet spirit had on me.  She was our Granny nanny!  For 10 yers I had the pleasure of seeing her at least once a week as she came to tmy house to babysit and fold laundry as I went to work.  When she died, I lost a very great friend.  I am glad we all were able to be at home for school during her loss.  I feel so glad that God gave us this time to unite, but now that time has come to an end, and another time of change has come.  I do not know exactly what the plans are for myself other than a drive to organize my writings and possibly begin writing more, as for the kids however, they are being deployed to ISD 192!  Carley will be a freshman at FHS, and is excited for Choir, and Ceramics!  Lauren will be heading back to DMS as the head of the class in 8th grade, and is happy to have her teachers face to face, and not having to email them if she has questions.  Jacob, well he still wants to stay home for school, and that doesn't surprise me a bit because he loves to hang out with his momma!  He will however be heading to ARES in 4th grade with Chloe who is excited to be in her friend Ella's class in 3rd grade.  After returning from my first Mission Trip in August, I feel like God is creating a new side of me.  I am nervous to make this change, but I have the faith that it is His will, and will move as I am prompted.  We have been praying about this for a long time, and God has given dreams to myself, Carley and Lauren as a confirmation that the decision to go back to school is the plan!  Lemons, we have been through many this year, but now, we are serving up Lemonade!  2013-2014 will bring new fruit too, but with God as the master chef, there will always be more Lemonade.  Until next time, Cheers!

#7 Misfit Lemonade

    So I was thinking about the 12 Disciples.  These guys walked with Jesus when He was on this earth.  They ate meals with the God incarnate, they slept in the same room with Him, they Worked with Him.  The 12 were like Jesus' family as He was here on earth.  Who were they?   They were the ones who let go of their life as they knew it, turned 180 degrees and went in a different direction to follow Jesus, and to share with others the message that changed their hearts. As I have learned about the 12, I realized that they were just average guys.  Actually many of them were below average.  Take the fishermen, for example, they had the job working for their father because they didn't make the cut in the customary religious training school.  They were unqualified!  Also, the tax collector, he was hated by people those days because he usually took more taxes than he was due in order to line his pockets, and now he is going to go out and try to win the people over that hated him?  Absurd!  From the outside, this motley crew of 12 seemed unlikely to succeed at simply setting up camp, much less than changing the world.  But in God's plan all throughout time, he has used the outcasts, the unimpressive, the broken and the weak to do mighty works in the name of Jesus.
     I experienced a modern day disciple experience this month as a team of unlikely heroes who never met before, joined together their humble talents and submitted them to the Lord to take on a mission that they were not qualified for.  We went out as 10, unique in talent and temperment, took on an unlikely, and seemingly impossible mission to rebuild a storm damaged building used for restoration and hope, and returned having recieved our own restoration and hope. As our time together unfolded, I realized that each one of us was like different parts of the body.  We were all unique, but equally necessary.  I believe also that God had been preparing us for this mission our whole lives.  I can only share my story, but as I have talked to the group, unanimously we have been changed for the better.
The  impact that this trip has made on me has enlivened my spirit and empowered me to truly surrender myself and to turn 180 degrees from the life I knew to the life that God has for me, just like those 12 unqualified guys did many years ago.  I don't mean I am going to sell all I have and live like a nomad or a mooch, but in my spirit, I am so moved to believe for more of God's fruit in my life.  I had been resisting opening a gift that God has given me for a very long time because I was afraid of what people might think.  I hid that light under a bushel, like the sunday school song said.  But now I say "No!" I'm gonna let it shine.  I know who goes before me, and if God has set me on the pathway, and gifted me to bring heaven to earth in my own unique way, and He promises me blessings of peace and joy if I submit myself to His will, why wouldn't I step out of my comfort zone and walk with Him?  Peter the disciple did!  He saw Jesus standing on the shore, called out to him, and Jesus called him out of the boat to walk to him on the water!  HELLO!  I know the same Jesus, and God's word said that He doesn't play favorites!  If He did it for Peter, He will do it for me too.  Until next time, Carrie